A Little Discovery

How do you know if you’re a little? Is there a check list or a quiz I can take, and if I score xyz percent or higher I’m a little? This may read as facetious; I assure you I’m asking these questions seriously.

The more I read posts written by littles, the more my life reminds me of things I’ve read on their blogs. What I haven’t found so far is a description of how anyone either became a little or realized that they are little. I have no idea if a person is born that way or if someone becomes a little, or if it is even one or the other. Also, I realize I’m generalizing and everyone and their lifestyles are individual, but I’m trying to gain insight into the category, so please forgive any unintended slights.

What does it mean to be a little? What does it mean to you, and what does it mean to your partner? Is having (or wanting) a Daddy Dom an integral part of being little, or is that only a common association? Is it about wanting to be taken care of, or about recapturing childhood? How is being little different from being a submissive who is not little?

The reason I ask is because last night H and I had an incredible evening. I wasn’t feeling very well, so he cuddled me, let me wear his sweatshirt without his normal complaints, and made a special trip to the store just because I was hungry and didn’t want any of the food we had at home. H went out of his way to take care of me and nurture me, even before I admitted I wasn’t feeling well. The evening was a marked departure from our usual interactions, and I felt so close to him the entire time. I also felt more loved than I have felt in months. I’m not sure why or how exactly, but last night H was meeting my emotional needs in spades.

I know that I have trust and abandonment issues, and that I feel loved primarily through physical affection/contact. H told me he was happy last night because he felt needed and I let him take care of me. It is very unusual for me to feel as loved as I did last night without sex, but the impact last night had on me was undeniable.

I really don’t know if I’m a little or not. I’ve never identified that way, but perhaps I simply hadn’t had the exposure to recognize that in myself? I’m not sure. I know I like to giggle and be silly and make H smile and laugh. H often compares me to my 4 year old niece. I’ve never been this way with anyone else because I never let my guard down far enough. With H I am just me. So, am I a little? If I am, what does that mean? Can that help improve my struggling relationship with H? Would this help or further hinder our communication with one another? At this point all I seem to have are questions. Any insight/experiences would be greatly appreciated!

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Accept Me As I Am

Does anyone else get tired of all the hiding? Or perhaps the question I should be asking instead: is anyone out about their BDSM lifestyle? As in, do people such as friends, family or coworkers who aren’t in the lifestyle know what you do in private? I am one of the first to admit that I value my privacy, but it’s a shockingly thin line between keeping something private because it’s nobody’s business and hiding something out of fear. In my posts Date Night (http://wp.me/p4jKhN-8w) and Second Date (http://wp.me/p4jKhN-9I), I talked about a couple we met and have enjoyed swinging with. One of the things that surprised me about them is that several of their friends who aren’t swingers know that they are involved in that lifestyle. None of our other play partners have ever told us that in the past. I have to admit I was envious that they were confident enough and secure enough in their relationships with their friends to be able to be so honest. It was partly this which encouraged me to tell a few of my friends about this blog.

 

There are so many misconceptions about BDSM, and one universal truth of mankind is that we fear that which we don’t understand. I wonder, if everyone in the BDSM community came out of the closet, what would happen? How much retribution would there be? Would the fight for acceptance be as long and difficult as the road for homosexuals has been? Is acceptance even worth the price we would pay? I don’t know the answers to these questions. What I do know is that I’m so tired of feeling like I’m hiding who I am all day, every day. I’m tired of seeing myself as an outcast, a deviant, someone who never has been and never will be “normal”. As far as the last goes, I think that will be my next topic…so stay tuned 🙂 Does anyone else feel like their life is shallow or hollow because of hiding our kinky sides? I’m not saying I think we should preach BDSM for all, nor that we should necessarily divulge every intimate detail of our private affairs. But wouldn’t it be nice to be accepted by your friends, family and coworkers as someone who swings and/or engages in power exchanges? People don’t need to agree with our choices, but we shouldn’t have to hide such integral parts of who we are such as Dom/mes, subs, slaves, Tops, bottoms, Daddies, littles, etc.

 

I don’t think of such people as freaks, nor do I think there’s something wrong with them or that they need treatment. Just because someone else’s kink may not be my kink doesn’t mean I don’t respect and accept them. Is asking for acceptance really too much? I don’t know, but it sure seems to be. Perhaps I’m living my life in fear, and I will get an enormous response from people who are out and proud of their BDSM lifestyle – I hope I do. However, I don’t think that’s likely. I can’t help but wonder, if I hadn’t been so ashamed of my submissive nature, would I have been more willing to disclose when I was being abused by E?  I try not to focus not the past, but in order to learn and grow we must at times reflect on our experiences. I think safety has a great deal to do with one’s support system. Having people who care about you, accept you and are there for you no matter what is possibly the greatest asset to anyone who is vulnerable. If I hadn’t been so ashamed, maybe I would’ve been able to ask for help. Maybe other submissives would seek help when they are mistreated. I’ve never seen myself as someone who wants to change the world, however that doesn’t mean I’m willing to quietly accept our society as it is either. I want more. Do you?