Apparently I’m in the mood for humor this evening. My last post made me laugh out loud. Okay, okay. The title really wasn’t that creative “Fifty Shades of Unimpressed”, but what can I say, I’m easily entertained. Now for the story.
When I was in college, I got curious. I contend with this state often (nearly as often as I contend with horniness, so that’s really something!); however this time my curiosity was not easily sated. What, pray tell, caught my attention? Piercings. I had some at the time, my navel, a couple sets in my ear lobes, I’d had my nose pierced (didn’t last long). I knew girls who had their nipples pierced, but mine are so sensitive I never was fond of the idea of piercing them. Naturally, this left getting my clitoral hood pierced! To be fair, I didn’t come up with this entirely on my own. A friend of mine, C, had a Harley Davidson motorcycle, and offered to give me a ride some time. I’d never been on a motorcycle and jumped at the chance. When going over basic safety, he asked me if I had my clit pierced. Come again? We were friends, but we weren’t that close! Apparently C had given a friend a ride once who basically orgasmed the entire ride curtesy of her clit piercing. So C simply asked that if you’ve got one, don’t wear it when he gives you a ride on his MC. Fair enough.
Naturally, I was fascinated by this idea. I started asking all the girls I knew that were in to tattoos, piercings, or just not super tight laced if they had their hood pierced, or knew anyone who did. I wanted to know how it feels during sex, or if it could really be felt at all. Okay, I was also dying to talk C into a MC ride to try that one out too 😉 Nobody knew! Nobody. Seriously!? Well, I was, obviously, left with only one way to discharge my curiosity. Do it myself. Then, have lots of sex…and talk C into a MC ride 😉
At the time, I had a close friend I practically lived with. T & I were in all the same classes and got along famously. She was also smokin’ hot and I was dying to put the moves on her. Never did 😦 Anyway, she was one of the girls I asked about it who didn’t know if it was good/great/mind-blowing/or no-big-deal. She helped me talk myself in to doing it. So we go to the piercing shop, I fork over my cash, and T and I head in to the piercing room. I take off everything below the waist and chill on the chair/table. T is all standing down by my feet gettin’ ready for the show and the piercer point blank tells her she’s here to hold my hand and help me get through it so go-stand-by-her-head NOT down here checkin’ out her kitty. T and I start laughing and I explain to the piecer T did not in fact come to hold my hand, but to watch. No bid deal. So I spread my legs, look down and the piecer and T have their heads all up in my undercarriage, along with one of these!
Intimidating much!? Right. There. Yep. FUCK! I screamed. Twice. Apparently, the process (which, no, they don’t warn you before hand!) is that the gun pinches down on your skin once the piercer has it aligned, then after pinching down to hold your very sensitive skin still, moves on to step 2, actually piercing the skin. Cue scream #2. #1 was more of a yelp than a true scream, but #2 was the loudest I’ve ever screamed in my life. I was so embarrassed! I never thought I’d scream! I couldn’t stop apologizing to the piercer. Shocker, the waiting room was empty when I walked out. Who sits there, waiting to get pierced, hears the chick in the back screaming, and thinks to themselves, “This seems legit. I wanna get pierced here.” Nobody. Well, the piercer assures me it’s okay & that I did great. Eventually I convince myself to put my panties and jeans back on (really wasn’t a fan of that idea at the time).
What do T & I decide we should do with our afternoon and my freshly pierced self? Go shopping at the mall. Um, yeah. That was awesome planning. I was so terrified of bumping or rubbing my anything, I was unconsciously walking with my knees bent and my legs as far apart as I could manage. T, being the kind, caring friend she was, waited over an hour to finally tell me “You’re waking like a cowboy!” FML. Can’t a girl catch a break!? So: what was the outcome, you ask?
- Oral Sex: awesome. Even a blind, deaf, idiot can’t miss your clit when you’re hood’s pierced. Yay!
- Vaginal Sex: depends on the position. Sometimes it makes no difference, sometimes it’s really great 🙂
- Anal Sex: surprise surprise, no difference.
- Masturbation: here’s where I was most surprised. Vibrator on my clit piercing? OUCH! No-thank-you never-again! Non vibrating toys? All good. So, now I have to choose between having my clit piercing in OR using a vibrator. Sad I guess a girl really can’t have it all!
- MC Ride: nuthin 😦 biggest disappointment seeing as that was the inspiration in the first place. I have no idea how C’s friend was sitting on the MC to get her clit piercing to have contact with the vibrations from the MC, but I tried and was totally unsuccessful. Maybe C’s friend was faking it in an attempt to flirt with him? Guess I’ll never be sure.
Hope ya’ll find this story as entertaining as I do!