It’s been maybe six months now since I called things off with O. We’d been hooking up fairly regularly and while I always enjoyed our rolls in the hay, there wasn’t domination occurring. In fairness I wasn’t asking him … Continue reading

If Only I Had Enough Courage

To say this:

I figured out what’s going on and there’s no one else I can talk to about it, but I’m terrified of breaking this gift you’ve given me where you support me and advise me and protect my secrets as fiercely as I do. I’m terrified of being honest with you. Even after all this time, you are still an enigma to me.

If I asked you too personal a question, would you tell me? Or would you answer it, in spite of the fact that it’s inappropriately personal, just because you have nothing to hide? I don’t understand where the boundaries are between us. I don’t ever feel like there are any with you, but that can’t possibly be true. And yet, every single time I think I’m crossing a line you assure me that, in fact, I am not.

How did you do it, how did you change your mind set and get out of your own way when you went into management? Because my career is thriving, and I don’t know the first thing about how to thrive. All I’ve ever done is survive, surviving is the only thing I know how to do. And if I don’t learn how, my career won’t continue to thrive while I only survive. It can’t last, I get that. So please, I need your help. How do I let myself and my career thrive instead of just survive? How?

#ThingsI’llNeverSay to Mr. Casual Friday

Date Night



Friday night H & I met a new couple in the lifestyle. H found them online, so we met up at a bar for dinner and drinks. A & N are our age, which is tough to find in our area. The lifestylers we usually meet are at least a decade older. We were pretty excited to meet, it’s been a while since we full swapped. The last couple we played with said they full swapped, but didn’t. It was fun for a few times but that was about it. We’ve certainly continued to have threesomes (guys and girls, thank you very much!), but I’m more of the mindset “the more the merrier” 😉 So, finally meeting another couple who full swap, and as a bonus are even our age, pretty much made my day before we even got to the bar.


H & I hit it off pretty well with A & N. We all had things in common and could relate to the differences in their personalities. Both of us had one outdoorsy-type and one who isn’t, etc. We ate and talked for a while and all relaxed a bit. Both the guys admitted to being pretty nervous. A was kind of quiet (or, more likely, I couldn’t hear her as she was sitting farthest from me), but I was calm, cool and collected. I discovered that I’m far less nervous playing with a couple than playing with an individual, regardless of if our third is a guy or a girl. Not sure why… So, after a bit A announces, “We have a hot tub!”. Sold. We headed out to their place and discovered they live just down the road from us. The hot tub was enjoyed (yay for birthday suits), and we all (sans H & his virgin skin) showed off our tats. Soon we were getting friendly 😉


N had the great idea of moving things in to the bedroom, and let me tell you I enjoyed both their bodies. She is petite but curvy with a gorgeous face and he is tall and lean, just my type! I do believe this was the first time I’ve played without being tipsy or completely drunk. I’m surprised at how comfortable I was, particularly considering we were at their place and not ours. Maybe I’m finally learning to trust? Either way, I had a blast. From what I’ve heard since, everyone else did as well. H was very enthusiastic, I would say bordering on coming on too strong while we were there. To be fair though, it really has been a long time since we got to full swap, & they were both great. I really hope we play again!


I was starting to be concerned that H was losing (or already had lost) interest in the lifestyle, but now I see that he’s just had too much going on to devote the time and energy to making it happen. Also, we had a misunderstanding the last time I found someone, so I’ve been hesitant to do any of the leg work since. Now that I realize he’s still interested in playing, I’ve got to put on my big girl panties and go for what I want. I’m going to find people to fulfill the few fantasies I have that we haven’t checked off yet and seduce them! I’m confident now that H will be interested and probably grateful not to have to be the one solely responsible for finding play partners. Good times ahead, I hope!


In other news, my friend/ex friend-with-benefits R will hopefully be joining us to play soon. I mentioned in a post not too long ago how we’ve reconnected and how much I enjoy R. It’s been years since we last hooked up, but I doubt we’ve lost any of our mojo. There are a couple of things H and I have never done that I’m thinking we might cross off the list with R coming to play. H has never watched me with another guy without participating, and I think R would be the perfect guy to do that with for the first time. I think H would get off on it, and I’m already comfortable with R so I would be relaxed and able to enjoy him as well. Also, R is aware of the extent of our involvement in the lifestyle, and may know people who would be interested in playing with all three of us. Yes, please! R sent me a pic of a gorgeous girl he knows who’s interested in having a foursome, but scheduling is a challenge we have yet to resolve. I’m hoping in a foursome (or moresome) we could separate room swap. H and I have always done same room. I think it would be exciting to know H is fucking someone else and the only way I’d get to know what was going down and how good it was is to hear about it later rather than be able to see for myself (and, same for H). Maybe we won’t like it, but so far every time we’ve extended our boundaries in the lifestyle we’ve been pleased with the results. Here’s to experimentation!