More than a year ago now I was wanting to broach the topic of chastity with H, but then he went and brought it up, seemingly (to me at least) completely out of the blue! Ashamed as I am to admit it, my first thought was that perhaps I’d left my blog open and he’d gone and read far enough back to find my post A New Adventure from three months prior. Attempting to control my panic, I asked why the topic was on his mind and, thankfully, his response was that I’ve mentioned it several times. Really!? I did??? I guess I must have used it as part of my dirty talk in bed betting it would help get him off, but I honestly didn’t remember ever mentioning it. Still, having the topic out in the open felt like a bit of a relief.
H’s top fetish has got to be being cuckolded/hot wife. What I’ve finally figured out is that although he’s this confident, strong person in every situation in every day life, when it comes to the bedroom (and the bedroom only), he is submissive. H wants me to take control, which is about the last thing I want. Being submissive, I want to be able to let go of responsibilities, not take on more! At the same time, I also want H to be happy. If there’s a way for him to be caged and perhaps I had a regular guy to hook up with at the very least, maybe it would be feasible for me to take on more of a leadership role in our relationship.
However, I have sincere reservations about that idea. What I learned years after we married is that our basic expectations of our partner were very different from the onset. H wanted a partner; I wanted a leader. Knowing this now it’s easy for me to see how we both misunderstood what we were signing up for in committing to one another – not that I think either of us regrets it, just that now we are trying to learn how to be better spouses for one another. So, I’ve been working very hard for at least a couple of years now at being H’s partner, his equal. Often that requires taking on more responsibility than I’d prefer, but he’s worth the effort and so I do.
Having invested so much in being H’s partner, I’m not sure if I would be able to take a leadership role in our relationship in the bedroom only and then be his equal partner the rest of the time. Neither is a role that comes naturally to me so I’m not certain I’d be able to be successful in meeting this ideal. Even so, we’ve continued to talk about chastity because I think it’s something he would likely find very fulfilling, to the point of having picked out the first chastity device we’d buy, the holy trainer:
I have also told H that I want him to get a prince albert piercing because from everything I’ve read, there really cannot be any totally secure chastity device without a PA. Plus the one time I hooked up with a guy with a PA I thought it was super hot, so I’d love for H to have one. He is terrified of needles, so it says a lot that he has agreed to getting the piercing. Now it’s just a matter of getting the details in order so I feel confident I will still be happy going up to a year without sex with him while he heals. We will probably buy and try out the chastity device first!