The Cloverleaf Chronicles – Growing Pains

4 Leaf Clover

Today is the one month anniversary of when the four of us met! Over the weekend H and I finally met B and his wife’s daughter. I was very excited to meet her and she is an adorable girl. B is not her biological father, but he’s been in her life since she was very young. Her biological father lives near by, so B and his wife have her 50% of the time, and the other 50% of the time she is with her biological father. I wasn’t sure before how close B and she were, but H and I spent time with the three of them over the weekend and it’s clear that they are a family. She calls B “daddy” which I find so endearing. B obviously loves her very much. I had asked him at one point if he and his wife wanted more kids and B told me they did want one of their own some day. I thought that was really cool.

Anyway, over the weekend B and I went to a local dog park just the two of us and talked for a couple of hours straight. I told him the things I’ve been holding back: about V, my history of sleeping with married men and the cutting. It was also my first chance to really talk with him about my family and some of the crap I dealt with growing up. He was, as always, extremely kind and understanding. He hugged me and held me and encouraged me. It was a wonderful feeling, and I was so glad to finally feel like everything is out in the open between us.

Naturally, I didn’t want to be far behind with his wife. She also enjoys writing, so we decided to share some of our stuff. I pulled quite a bit directly off of this blog and sent it to her. I hadn’t told her about the cutting, but she pretty much knew about the rest. However, she and I haven’t really talked about BDSM and that was certainly a recurring theme in what I sent her. She read most of what I sent her today and responded with a bunch of interesting and thoughtful questions. I was extremely nervous last night after I sent her so much of who I am and what I struggle with that I’d made a mistake and our cloverleaf was going to fall to pieces because I showed the real me. Instead my relationships with both B and his wife are already stronger. It feels amazing to be cared for by people who know things that matter to me, by people I’ve chosen to trust.

H seems to be the most unstable component of our cloverleaf so far, which doesn’t surprise me in the least. B said he thinks H might see our relationships as more of a friends-with-benefits situation than a polyamorous relationship, however B and H don’t really talk to one another so he’s drawing that conclusion indirectly. I admit it’s possible B is right, but my gut is that H is interested in B’s wife as more than a friend-with-benefits based on the time and energy he is investing in his relationship with her. Also, B’s wife has her own baggage and perhaps isn’t connecting with H on the deeper level that I’ve been connecting with both B and her. However, H needs the most time out of all of us to become comfortable and it takes time to really get to know him. I hope that over time H and B’s wife’s relationship will deepen. On a selfish note, although I would be wrecked if I lost B and his wife from my life, at least H and I will have had an experience with polyamory and perhaps we will find a permanent relationship down the road. In the meantime, the cloverleaf continues to learn and grow. I personally feel like I’ve grown a ton in the last month just by letting new people into my life and opening my heart again. Whatever happens in the end, I am grateful.

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