Disappearing Butches: Butches and Top Surgery

MainelyButch: Private Label

Picture 297So, it looks like by having top surgery – breast modification to make my chest more male and flatter – that I have broken some old school rule in some minds. Sees that some people enjoy a Butch who has dysphoria (yeah, try living with it daily) and who hide their breasts under layers of clothing, no matter how uncomfortable that is for them. At least they still have all of their designated “woman parts” i.e. tits and a vagina. Yes, that is the older school Butch way of existing, and some like it that those Butches didn’t change that. I wonder…if those Butches could have or could now change – have top surgery – would they? Or wouldn’t they? I have to believe, being Butch myself and knowing how it feels to have the outrageous angst with my own body image, that any Butch who could change it for…

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The Four Leaf Clover

4 Leaf Clover

Faith, Hope, Love & Luck

What better symbol could there be for a polyamorous foursome? Faith is an integral part of any relationship. I must have faith that I’m good enough for my partner(s), that I deserve happiness, faith that my partner(s) want me and faith in our commitment to one another. Faith that my partner(s) won’t leave me. Hope is equally key for happiness. Relationships are a lot of work, there are always going to be bad times along with the good times. Without hope for the future, what would be the point of continuing? Love is perhaps obvious, but so many people have loveless relationships I believe this should never be overlooked.   I can admit in the privacy of my own head (and apparently blog!) that I crave love, I need it as I need air. I’m also terrified of love; falling in love with H nearly destroyed me. Unfortunately I’m greedy, now that I have a taste I want more, more, moreI want the friendship, the intimacy, the lover, and I want it so much I can’t help but want more people who truly know me, accept me and want me. No surprise I’d be poly huh? The last leaf of the four leaf clover represents luck, and who couldn’t use more of that in life!?

Tomorrow H and I are going to spend the day with B and his wife. We’ve all met up a couple of times in public to spend time together; B and I have seen each other some one-on-one but in public, and H and B’s wife have had lunch and seen each other a time or two in addition to that, but again, always in public. Tomorrow H and I are going to their place to drink, relax, get to know each other and probably get intimate for the first time. We already talked about matters of protection and made sure all parties were in agreement, so we are all looking forward to enjoying one another. I’m extremely excited, but I’m also nervous. I want this so badly, and I’m not sure if we are all as compatible as my gut says we are. What if I’m just fooling myself? I also noticed that although I talk about B regularly with H, he never mentions B’s wife even though I know they talk every day. I asked him about it last night and he said he hadn’t really though about it, but that she was coming on strong and he didn’t want the pressure of feeling he and she are dating. B and I feel like we are dating and agree that it’s enjoyable, but H is feeling pressured which is less than ideal.

H told me that he understands B’s wife has a lot of freedom at work, but things at his work have been extremely busy and stressful lately so the timing is bad for her to constantly be wanting attention from him. B’s wife is also a bit jealous of the time B and I have spent one-on-one since she and I haven’t had that opportunity, which likely makes her want attention from H that much more. H assured me that he is still attracted to B’s wife and wants to become friends; H is still happy with the direction things are heading, he just needs a chance to become more comfortable with B’s wife. I felt both relief and new concern after H and I talked about this situation. I am glad that he is still interested but concerned H wouldn’t want a true polyamorous relationship. This concern isn’t new, but I had set it aside as all indications were that H is open to wherever things between us may go. However, if he doesn’t want to date, does that mean he only wants friends with benefits? Because I want more than that.

It’s possible that H would enjoy polyamory and just doesn’t like the awkwardness of getting to know people on the front end, so that’s what I’m hoping at this point. If he truly isn’t comfortable with deeper relationships between us it’s going to be very difficult for B and I to be just friends or even casual sex partners. My submissive nature complicates things further; B has a dominant side but no BDSM experience. And my only experiences were under abusive circumstances rather than consensual ones, so not really BDSM at all.

H & B both know I am submissive, but I think B has a better understanding of my needs and desires than H does. B’s wife and I have not discussed anything personal about myself yet – truth be told, I really only have the energy to build one intimate relationship at a time, so B’s wife has to wait in line! I truly like her and enjoy talking to her, but we haven’t really begun becoming close yet. I am certain that will happen if things between us remain stable and don’t evaporate before we really even begin. B and I talked a lot tonight and he seems genuine in his desire for a D/s dynamic between us, but we are not anywhere near ready for that yet. I must admit though, it’s a nice change to have a guy I care about want to use and dominate me! I hope we get to explore the world of BDSM together eventually.

That’s all for now on the cloverleaf, more to come after tomorrow! Hopefully there will still be a cloverleaf after tomorrow..! Wish us luck 🙂

Bruises

beingsirsgorgeous

Warning: This post contains some sexual content. Please do not read if you’re under 18 (21 in some jurisdictions).

I mentioned in my last post that Sir and I had engaged in a little bit of impact play on Wednesday while his daughters were with their mom, and that’s where I’d like to start. Wednesday afternoon, Sir texted me to ask if the girls had been picked up yet, to which I answered yes. I didn’t hear back from him until about 10 minutes or so before he was due home, and at that time I received a text with specific instructions to put on my discipline collar, get our newest toy and insert it on its lowest setting, and be bent over the bed with my eyes closed waiting for him by the time he got home. I texted back, “Yes Sir” and immediately (with my heart pounding with…

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The Cinnamon challenge

Babygirl's Corner

On August 25th Cinnamon and Sparkles made a list of what she needs in her relationship. She challenged us all to dot he same.
Here is my list in no particular order. I challenge you all to do the same.

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1. I need to be spanked. It is a way for me to release my stress and feelings in a controlled way under your hand Daddy. I need the supervision that this gives. It is not a sexual act when used this way and I know you will make sure the aftercare fits the mood and situation.

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2. I need to be held. To be loved. To be taken care of. I need to know that when I am emotional you. An handle it. I need to know that when I am sad it’s ok and you will hold me till I feel better. I need to know that when…

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Stone Butch Views

MainelyButch: Private Label

butch-pride“I have a question for those of you who are stone butch identified.
I have personally found that a lot of stone butch I’ve dated are in fact not stone at all by the definition I understand. Why is it that our butch brethren feel the need to add ‘stone’ to their label if they don’t truly feel that???

Honest question and innocently asked out of curiosity and would love to hear your feedback???”

In addressing this question / topic:

*People have their own perceptions of what Stone Butch means.  These are mine and how I see it.

*Labels I use:  Stone Butch, Hard Butch, Butchboi, TransButch, and Butch.

*Stone Butch lesbian= sexuality & identity & sexual preference

Stone refers to my sexual appetite and preferences as a top with the more standardly recognized ‘meaning’ of stone which is generally that I prefer to be the giver and not the…

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Exercising Restraint

The Edge of Vanilla

When you read the groups and message boards, it becomes apparent that guys who are into (heh heh) chastity devices are essentially looking for The Holy Grail. A device has to be secure, but it has to be comfortable. It has to be inescapable, but it can’t show up in clothing. It has to be capable of being worn 24/7 for weeks or months, but it has to be hygienic and easily cleaned. It has to be It has to be impossible to open, but needs to allow the Keyholder easy access. It has to be lightweight, but solid stainless steel. Or titanium. And easily modified in case one loses or gains weight. And it needs to provide absolutely free range of unhindered movement.

This last point becomes apparent over the summer, when the message boards (including our Chastity Forums) see an influx of members asking questions like…

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