Accept Me As I Am

Does anyone else get tired of all the hiding? Or perhaps the question I should be asking instead: is anyone out about their BDSM lifestyle? As in, do people such as friends, family or coworkers who aren’t in the lifestyle know what you do in private? I am one of the first to admit that I value my privacy, but it’s a shockingly thin line between keeping something private because it’s nobody’s business and hiding something out of fear. In my posts Date Night (http://wp.me/p4jKhN-8w) and Second Date (http://wp.me/p4jKhN-9I), I talked about a couple we met and have enjoyed swinging with. One of the things that surprised me about them is that several of their friends who aren’t swingers know that they are involved in that lifestyle. None of our other play partners have ever told us that in the past. I have to admit I was envious that they were confident enough and secure enough in their relationships with their friends to be able to be so honest. It was partly this which encouraged me to tell a few of my friends about this blog.

 

There are so many misconceptions about BDSM, and one universal truth of mankind is that we fear that which we don’t understand. I wonder, if everyone in the BDSM community came out of the closet, what would happen? How much retribution would there be? Would the fight for acceptance be as long and difficult as the road for homosexuals has been? Is acceptance even worth the price we would pay? I don’t know the answers to these questions. What I do know is that I’m so tired of feeling like I’m hiding who I am all day, every day. I’m tired of seeing myself as an outcast, a deviant, someone who never has been and never will be “normal”. As far as the last goes, I think that will be my next topic…so stay tuned 🙂 Does anyone else feel like their life is shallow or hollow because of hiding our kinky sides? I’m not saying I think we should preach BDSM for all, nor that we should necessarily divulge every intimate detail of our private affairs. But wouldn’t it be nice to be accepted by your friends, family and coworkers as someone who swings and/or engages in power exchanges? People don’t need to agree with our choices, but we shouldn’t have to hide such integral parts of who we are such as Dom/mes, subs, slaves, Tops, bottoms, Daddies, littles, etc.

 

I don’t think of such people as freaks, nor do I think there’s something wrong with them or that they need treatment. Just because someone else’s kink may not be my kink doesn’t mean I don’t respect and accept them. Is asking for acceptance really too much? I don’t know, but it sure seems to be. Perhaps I’m living my life in fear, and I will get an enormous response from people who are out and proud of their BDSM lifestyle – I hope I do. However, I don’t think that’s likely. I can’t help but wonder, if I hadn’t been so ashamed of my submissive nature, would I have been more willing to disclose when I was being abused by E?  I try not to focus not the past, but in order to learn and grow we must at times reflect on our experiences. I think safety has a great deal to do with one’s support system. Having people who care about you, accept you and are there for you no matter what is possibly the greatest asset to anyone who is vulnerable. If I hadn’t been so ashamed, maybe I would’ve been able to ask for help. Maybe other submissives would seek help when they are mistreated. I’ve never seen myself as someone who wants to change the world, however that doesn’t mean I’m willing to quietly accept our society as it is either. I want more. Do you?

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3 thoughts on “Accept Me As I Am

  1. True we should not have to worry much about our private life. But as we are misunderstood and live a feared lifestyle then we just keep quiet.
    Sometimes I hate being quiet. To many I work with wear blinders and are not open minded about sex much less BDSM.

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  2. Normality is overrated. You would be terrible as a Stepford Wife. 😉

    I’m not “out” by any means, except to my closest of friends — some of whom I met because of my interests anyway. I’m reserved and highly private by nature, so I’m happy to keep most of my life to myself and share only with those who are actually involved, or with those who capture some degree of my attention.

    However, I do also understand your feelings. And while your fears are actually rational to an extent (there’s an entire catagory of horror stories from people who have been outed), I do think things are getting better. A lot of the problems regarding this doesn’t come from just our generation, but from the older generations that are rooted in older traditions and beliefs. People our age are more likely to be accepting and non-judgemental about things like this, or anything else really.

    Society is evolving, and I believe for the better. But social evolution takes time. It happens from generation to generation, not from year to year. The sexual revolution is still on, and now it’s up to us to teach the next generation to be kind and accepting of people for who they are as people. Because no matter the lifestyle, we are people first and labels second.

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  3. Pingback: Out with a bang! | LifestyleGambler

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