I’ve always had a hair trigger when it comes to orgasms. I’ve frequently been able to cum from nothing more than having my nipples played with or my neck sucked on. Unfortunately, as I’ve slowly began to recognize and accept my need to submit it’s become more and more difficult to cum.
H and I had plans tonight that fell through. When he fucked me, I couldn’t cum. I wasn’t even close. Last night I was more dominant with H than I’ve ever been before, and he really liked it. That was the hardest I’ve ever had to work for an orgasm. I only came once per round. Tonight, even though I wasn’t dominant, I couldn’t cum at all. I needed to submit, and there wasn’t a chance in hell I was getting off otherwise.
H noticed and was upset. He wanted to talk. Wanted to know what’s wrong. Funny. He couldn’t understand even if I bothered to explain. I’ve been dreaming BDSM scenes lately. Tied, whipped, flogged, humiliated, used and on and on and on. I’ve been waking up feeling more relaxed than I have in months when I can remember those dreams. H is never going to understand. He doesn’t want to.
This isn’t who I wanted to be. I truly believed I could bury these needs, that it would go away if I ignored it. I don’t want to need more than H can give me. I feel like a failure as a wife and lover, because I can’t be happy with everything H gives me. I’m lost, and needy, and scared, and lonely. What now?