Updated 8.5.22 – My story prior to June 3, 2018 was only Part I, even though I didn’t know that at the time. On June 3, 2018 Part II began, when H committed suicide.
Welcome to my humble cyber abode…enter if you dare!
What began as a blog about sex, love and kink in time turned dark, desolate and hopeless. All of this is available still in Part I. Before and it’s sub-sections. I don’t know what Part II. After will be; I hope this blog will become a place of healing and reflect a journey of finding meaning, peace and strength as I journey into the future.
I am grateful that I took the time to record some of my experiences in real-time when I overall considered myself to be ‘a happily married woman in her 20’s.’ and when I could refer to ‘My husband (H) and I’ and our choice ‘[F]rom the very beginning not to have a monogamous relationship.’
In addition to these (mis)adventures, I’m also deeply submissive. However, H wasn’t a Dom. This left me constantly struggling to deal with some of my needs and desires which were left unmet, while still enjoying lots of kinky sex with a variety of people. I truly believed that H tried to give me everything I could ever want, but even at the best of times I still found myself wishing for an established relationship with a Dom. I explored the DD/lg dynamic; in time determining that though I wouldn’t outright identify myself as little, neither could I deny how beneficial expressing my inner little is for me. My About Being little section compiles what I was reading, discovering and thinking on this subject.
In 2014 H and I became involved in a polyamorous relationship with another couple. You can find this story, The Cloverleaf Chronicles, starting with The Beginning under Past Experiences. In addition to Final Experiences, you can find two sub-categories under this section: the first archives all things related to Mr. Casual Friday (also known as MCF), my mentor and a favorite target of my fantasies; the second is my Self Portrait series from the first half of 2016. This section contains a collection of pieces describing my process of self-discovery which was occurring at that time. My newest category in ‘Part I. Before’, Philosophy Corner, was a parking lot for my never-ending internal musings, including my exploration of my Myers-Briggs type which was misidentified back then as being an INTJ (my correct type is ENFJ). For a more complete (read: very lengthy) archive of my results, check out my post About Me – Personality Test Repository. If you care to explore more haphazardly, my Reblogged category is just that, a collection of others’ posts I liked so much I wanted to share them with you!
Although not perfect, I truly believed I had an amazing life and a very happy marriage. It wasn’t always easy, and at the time I believed that’s just how life is – particularly when one makes complicated relationship choices and frequently rejects deeply ingrained matters of culture! But when tasked with creating a personal mission statement I came up with:
I choose to live passionately, authentically, unapologetically.
and I just couldn’t shake these powerful words, no matter how hard I tried. This caused an intense and wildly uncomfortable internal evaluation of who I am, who I wanted to be and how I was living my life. The results were sobering; I was not living passionately, authentically OR unapologetically. But these words had already entrenched themselves in the deepest, truest part of my soul and could not be shaken.
I blogged a little about Past Experiences and H & my journey together, but was primarily focusing on recent, now Final Experiences, before ‘Part II. After’ arrived. My most recent addition, Nothing But TROUBLE, has me chronicling the roller coaster ride of having Mr. Trouble in my life, going all the way back to our first meeting in December 2018. This section may have many more additions as I have the time to record our history thus far and I hope you will forgive everything being posted out of sequence. I tried to work through it chronologically but it was just too difficult, so instead I am indicating in post titles the time frame being recounting.
Please be forewarned: this site contains no-holds-barred access to my most intimate thoughts, feelings and sexual experiences. I am stumbling step by step, word by word, through the maze in my mind seeking my truest self. Curious yet? Please, explore…
This blog is strictly 18+ and NSFW!
Trigger warnings are done via tags but I do not guarantee all triggers will be tagged every time. Proceed at your own risk!
If anyone wishes to contact me directly, leaving a comment with how I can reach you works best for me.