Updated 6.24.18 – It’s time for a restructuring. My story prior to June 3, 2018 was only Part I, even though I didn’t know that at the time. On June 3, 2018 Part II began, when H committed suicide.
Welcome to my humble cyber abode…enter if you dare!
What began as a blog about sex, love and kink in time turned dark, desolate and hopeless. All of this is available still in Part I. Before and it’s sub-sections. I don’t know what Part II. After will be; I hope this blog will become a place of healing and reflect a journey of finding meaning, peace and strength as I journey into the future.
I am grateful that I took the time to record some of my experiences in real-time when I overall considered myself to be ‘a happily married woman in her 20’s.’ and when I could refer to ‘My husband (H) and I’ and our choice ‘[F]rom the very beginning not to have a monogamous relationship.’
In addition to these (mis)adventures, I’m also deeply submissive. However, H wasn’t a Dom. This left me constantly struggling to deal with some of my needs and desires which were left unmet, while still enjoying lots of kinky sex with a variety of people. I truly believed that H tried to give me everything I could ever want, but even at the best of times I still found myself wishing for an established relationship with a Dom. I explored the DD/lg dynamic; in time determining that though I wouldn’t outright identify myself as little, neither could I deny how beneficial expressing my inner little is for me. My About Being little section compiles what I was reading, discovering and thinking on this subject.
In 2014 H and I became involved in a polyamorous relationship with another couple. You can find this story, The Cloverleaf Chronicles, starting with The Beginning under Past Experiences. In addition to Final Experiences, you can find two sub-categories under this section: the first archives all things related to Mr. Casual Friday (also known as MCF), my mentor and a favorite target of my fantasies; the second is my Self Portrait series from the first half of 2016. This section contains a collection of pieces describing my process of self-discovery which was occurring at that time. My newest category in Part I. Before, Philosophy Corner, was a parking lot for my never-ending internal musings (most recently highlighting my exploration of my Myers-Briggs type, INTJ). For a more complete (read: very lengthy) repository specific to me, check out my post About Me – Personality Test Repository. If you care to explore more haphazardly, my Reblogged category is just that, a collection of others’ posts I liked so much I wanted to share them with you!
Although not perfect, I truly believed I had an amazing life and a very happy marriage. It wasn’t always easy, and at the time I believed that’s just how life is – particularly when one makes complicated relationship choices and frequently rejects deeply ingrained matters of culture! But when tasked with creating a personal mission statement I came up with:
I choose to live passionately, authentically, unapologetically.
and I just couldn’t shake these powerful words, no matter how hard I tried. This caused an intense and wildly uncomfortable internal evaluation of who I am, who I wanted to be and how I was living my life. The results were sobering; I was not living passionately, authentically OR unapologetically. But these words had already entrenched themselves in the deepest, truest part of my soul and could not be shaken.
I blogged a little about Past Experiences and H & my journey together, but was primarily focusing on recent, now Final Experiences, before ‘Part II. After’ arrived. Please be forewarned: this site contains no-holds-barred access to my most intimate thoughts, feelings and sexual experiences. As open and honest as I believed H and I were with one another, this site included previews of my thoughts and feelings that I had not yet shared even with him.
I am stumbling step by step, word by word, through the maze in my mind seeking my truest self. Curious yet? Please, explore…
This blog is strictly 18+ and NSFW!
Trigger warnings are done via tags but I do not guarantee all triggers will be tagged every time. Proceed at your own risk!
If anyone wishes to contact me directly, leaving a comment with how I can reach you works best for me.